The Sun Sentinel

Where There's A Will, There's A Family Drama

By Ralph De La Cruz

Last week, ABC announced it was coming out with the next generation of reality programming -- a show called The Will, in which family and friends compete for the largest cut of a millionaire's fortune.

If people will eat worms and walk on broken glass for $50,000 (Fear Factor), think what they might do if a fortune's at stake.

Think about what they might be capable of doing if they knew all the emotional hot buttons of their competitors, all their weaknesses and desires.

Les Kotzer can't wait. He's on a mission to get people to talk openly about wills, and he thinks this show will put the subject on the table.

Kotzer is an estate lawyer. He helps people write their wills. But unlike most estate lawyers, who concentrate mainly on how to minimize the tax hit, Kotzer's emphasis is on how to keep families from being destroyed by squabbling over an inheritance.

"Over the last five years, we've seen the problem get worse," Kotzer says. "I think it has to do with Baby Boomers and their consumption habits."

Kotzer has all sorts of stories of family conflict.

"And it's not always over money," he says.

Sometimes the tangles are about keepsakes that might have been promised but not included in the will. Or about power and control: who was named executor, and how they're carrying out their role.

"Parents have watched their family for years laughing and having a good time over Thanksgiving dinner, and they make the assumption that, after they die, their children will have good will toward each other," Kotzer says. "That can be a devastating assumption."

Kotzer has seen siblings throw things at one another in his office. And destroy relics so no one else would have them.

"One woman brought a knapsack into my office and told me, 'Give this to my brother,'" Kotzer recalls. "When he opened it, it was filled with shredded and ripped pictures, mementos, letters the kids had sent from camp."

Kotzer, who has put together anecdotes and relationship-saving strategies in a book, The Family Fight: Planning to Avoid It ($19.95, Continental Publications; www.familyfight.com), offers the following suggestions:

Have an honest discussion among family members while everyone's still alive about the will and who will be the executor. If there's more than one child, you may want to appoint all of them executors, with a provision that would allow decisions to be made based on what the majority favor.

Outside from the will, assign a durable power of attorney to a family member or friend, which would let them make decisions about health care and property -- in the event you become too sick to make those decisions yourself.

Make sure your will is updated. Kotzer tells a story of a woman who made her son executor and bequeathed a diamond ring to her daughter. Only problem was that the ring had been lost years earlier, but the will was not updated. As a result, the daughter thought her brother was simply refusing to give her the ring and claiming it was lost. A set-up for conflict.

Be aware that bank accounts and property that are under joint ownership are separate from the rest of the will. Upon the death of one joint owner, it automatically reverts to the surviving owner.

Consider giving some of the inheritance away while you're still alive. You control how it's handled and there's less to bicker over later.

Think long and hard about cutting someone out of a will. If you have a child who's an addict or a spendthrift, think about setting up a trust that would offer a steady income rather than one lump sum.

Consider leaving a videotaped message explaining your decisions.

Talk about reality TV.